3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
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Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
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Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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