i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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