what if every blade of grass was a penis?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
