WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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