I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
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