Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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