I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
