:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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