Your mouth is God's brothel.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
