i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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