Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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