omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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