The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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