theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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