Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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