Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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