Don't make out with my wife yet
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
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