Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
