this beer tastes like vomit already
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
