Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
