He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
