When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
