capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
