you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
