Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
