Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
