you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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