I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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