Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize