8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
