I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
my liver is dry heaving
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
