My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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