he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
