Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
