how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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