Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize