She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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