it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have feelings that need drinking.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
