last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
