I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
