$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
