like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
this is an emotional support booty call
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
