I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i barfeds in our rink
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
