yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
