Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
