is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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