Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
