Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i permit you to call me
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
50% drunk capacity currently
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
