Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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