ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
