we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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