I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
