That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
