you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
