OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
