I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
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I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
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You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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