I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
