my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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