You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
