brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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