I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
