what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
