I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he fucked my hip out of place.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
