Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
