I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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