my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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