Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
