come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
