The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
