Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
