can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
