you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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