The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
