that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
